Please Press $@#%!

Posted by ZenMom Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Here goes another confession. Yeah, I know, what else is new?

Call me old fashioned, but I'm horrible with cell phones. I'm notorious for my uncanny ability to lose mine. When I do find it, the battery's usually dead. And on that off chance that its in place AND has power, its probably stashed at the bottom of my purse so I never hear the stupid thing go off.

Today was no exception. A couple of days ago it wouldn't charge so I neatly (not!) put it away. I admit, with kids screaming, dogs running off and dinner burning, it just wasn't at the top of my proverbial pile.

Too bad for me, when I went to find it, it was nowhere.  Kaput!

And right now I could really use that normally insignificant hunk of metal. You see, our home phone (yeah, I know a lot of you in the younger crowd may consider this in of itself archaic) is having issues.

Every time I pick up the phone, it shouts back a static sound at a decibel level way too high for human ears. At first I thought it would go away on its own, but after a day of causing irreparable damage to my eardrums, I decided to take drastic measures.

I called the phone company.

I was greeted by a lovely voice (automated of course), then prompted to several other equally automated voices. Then the real fun began. I got to the part where I was supposed to give my computerized friend some simple answers.

Simple? Right. Between the static and the three year old screaming in the background I guess I wasn't making myself very clear. I kept getting the Hal of automated systems saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Could you say it again?"

Well after the fifth time around, I began to get a little testy. That's when I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs. The neighbors stared, the little guy cried, wondering why mommy was acting so crazy. (Don't worry kid, in time you'll get used to it.)

When I finally did get a live person, they kept asking me for my alternate number.

"No, I don't have another number."


I don't have an alternate number."

"Are you kidding me?


The chuckles could be heard, right through the static. And then, "Well...I'm sorry, but if you don't have another number, I can't help you."  Chuckle. Chuckle.

Two hours, three more calls and a probably a small fortune later, I have a tech coming out tomorrow to assess (and hopefully fix) the damage.

This could have been so simple.  If I just had that wee little phone.

So right now I have just one thing to say:  Please, please come back, cell phone.  I promise not to take you for granted anymore.  Just make the noise go away and I'll be your bestest pal ever.
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  1. See, in my house it's the opposite. Our house phone is soley used as a fax. We don't have a wall phone anywhere in our house.

  2. I am laughing!! Hope you find your phone!

  3. I hate telephone companies, cell phone, land lines and otherwise.

  4. Brianne Says:
  5. I hate dealing with telephone companies, we had the same problem too and the guy was her for an hour and well nothing really was fixed. They wanted us to pay to check some connection and I was um no! Ha! Hope you find your cell. I would be lost without mine! Oh and I got a big chunky purple case for my phone so I could find it in my bottomless pit of a bag!

  6. G-Zell Says:
  7. Oh man that sucks! I hate when they are dead and you find the darn thing and then when you arent looking the for the F er it will be right in front of you LOL

    Good Luck!


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