I'm usually a pretty peaceful person.
I don't get in fights, am friendly with all my neighbors and generally don't rock the boat.
So why is it that right now, I have this terrible urge to take someone out? And not just anyone, mind you. I want to take out the school crossing guard.
Yeah, he looks innocent enough. Probably in his seventies, with silvery gray hair and the walk of an old man. But don't let that fool you. This guy is no pushover.
I need to start by telling you that the traffic at my daughter's school makes my house look like the most structured, calm environment around. And for that I'm grateful. At least we compare favorably against something.
They couldn't have done a worse job of planning the traffic flow if they tried. Then again maybe they did. After all it is a very popular school and LOTS of families try to get in. Maybe this is just a little extra step to ensure you really want to be there (Whoops. The conspiracy theorist in me just got out).
Sorry, sidetracked again. Now back to the story.
On any given morning, it takes me a good fifteen minutes to make it through the line of cars, minivans and SUVs that wends its way through two neighborhoods and several stop signs. When I finally hit the 4-way stop in front of the school -- like clock work -- it happens.
There he stands. Not letting me, or anyone else for that matter, go anywhere until finally -- usually after another 15 minutes have passed -- a pedestrian appears. All this time, sporting a look that says, "I dare you to get past me."
Believe me, I'm tempted. Just as my foot reaches for the pedal, I have a vision. In it, there's a headline that reads:
MAD MOTHER OF FOUR GETS LIFE FOR RUNNING OVER BELOVED CROSSING GUARD.