Hold Me Back

Posted by ZenMom Monday, November 16, 2009

I'm usually a pretty peaceful person.

No, really.

I don't get in fights, am friendly with all my neighbors and generally don't rock the boat.

So why is it that right now, I have this terrible urge to take someone out? And not just anyone, mind you. I want to take out the school crossing guard.

Yeah, he looks innocent enough. Probably in his seventies, with silvery gray hair and the walk of an old man. But don't let that fool you.  This guy is no pushover.

I need to start by telling you that the traffic at my daughter's school makes my house look like the most structured, calm environment around. And for that I'm grateful. At least we compare favorably against something.

They couldn't have done a worse job of planning the traffic flow if they tried.  Then again maybe they did.  After all it is a very popular school and LOTS of families try to get in. Maybe this is just a little extra step to ensure you really want to be there (Whoops.  The conspiracy theorist in me just got out).

Sorry, sidetracked again.   Now back to the story.

On any given morning, it takes me a good fifteen minutes to make it through the line of cars, minivans and SUVs that wends its way through two neighborhoods and several stop signs.  When I finally hit the 4-way stop in front of the school -- like clock work -- it happens.

I swear he sees me coming.  As soon I'm in his sights (you'd think at his age they would be failing, but noooo), that big red sign goes up. No matter that there are no pedestrians anywhere near the crosswalk.  Or the fact that, given his advanced years, it takes him a few minutes just to make it to the middle of the intersection.

There he stands.  Not letting me, or anyone else for that matter, go anywhere until finally -- usually after another 15 minutes have passed -- a pedestrian appears.  All this time, sporting a look that says, "I dare you to get past me."

Believe me, I'm tempted. Just as my foot reaches for the pedal,  I have a vision.  In it, there's a headline that reads:


So in the end I sit there, resigning myself to the fact that it takes 40 minutes to get my offspring to a school that's ten minutes from my house.  All the while cursing under my breath and fantasizing his demise.  Hey a girl can dream, can't she?
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  1. My corner is a school corner with a crossing guard and she is the same way. She makes us stop for people walking their dogs in the morning...

  2. Why is that? I swear the same thing happens at the high school in our neighborhood. If that crossing guard just catches a glimpse of a kid a mile away, that stop sign goes up and everything grinds to a halt while the kids shuffle past. Yes, they shuffle, that "I can take as long as I want to cross the street walk!"

    The guards must learn that at Guard Crossing School!

  3. Jennifer Says:
  4. Ahahahaha! This is a guy who is seriously abusing his power, huh? :-)

  5. Soooooooo frustrating!! It's like trying to get across town here and without fail, the train guards go down and I have to wait for some huge train to pass.


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