Zen and the Art of Motherhood

This has been a wild and crazy couple of weeks.  Literally.

I've already told you about Diablo.  Well, I'm happy to report that our devil-dog, guest-from-hell has finally found a new home.  Hopefully one without phones to chew or carpets to worry about.

No sooner did Diablo make his exit, we had the Bird Incident.  Yesterday, it was the Giant Bug Scare. I'm not going to get into these now -- they're really worth a post all their own.

Whoops, digressed again.  Back to the story.  Today, the kids and I had the most bizarre experience we've had in a long time.  Given the insane nature of our lives, this is really a major accomplishment. 

It all started when we picked up our son from his last day of school.  Yes, the last day of school.  The words that should not be spoken.  Just to let you know, I wore black.

Well, I decided to get the dog (the good one) out of the house and bring him along for the festivities.  All was well until we were headed back to the car.  Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a cute little terrier attached itself to our Angel Dog's rear. 

Chaos ensued, but all was still well.  Our car was not too far and then we'd be gone.

Not so fast.

This was no ordinary dog and this is no simple story.  Cujo followed us, the whole time no more than an inch away from the Angel Dog.  Looks like he was totally enamored with our big guy.  I finally got our dog into the car and slammed the door shut before the little canine could follow.  After jumping up on my car door for a while, it decided (in protest, I'm sure of it) to lay down right under the wheel of my car.

No amount of coaxing would make it budge.  In one failed attempt, I put my hand out and sporting my best puppy sweet-talking voice, I was met by a nasty set of teeth lunging toward me.  I swear I would have run over it at that very moment if the kids weren't with me.

Not wanting to traumatize my kids with a pint-sized pup under the tires, we kept trying unsuccessfully to dislodge the beast from the car.  This went on for fifteen minutes, until a kind man across the street took pity on us and joined the cause.  Three attempts and one bite later, he finally succeeded in relocating Cujo.

At that very moment, I gunned the engine and made my escape, only to hear my kids yell, "Mom, its following us!"

And so it was.  For two blocks, the surprisingly speedy dog was right behind us, until it spied yet another mom in another minivan and decided to terrorize her instead.

I'm happy to report that we made it home safe and sound.  But after this incident, I have Animal Control on speed dial in my phone, just in case.

Right now, we're off for a weekend of camping with the family.  I'm sure I'll have some adventures to share upon our return.

In the meantime, have a safe and wonderful Memorial Day weekend.

The Dog Catcher is My Friend,

I know what you're thinking.  Here goes yet another Armageddon-like doomsday prediction.

Nope.  Not exactly.  It may be the end of my world, but yours should be just fine.  Unless you have a preschooler that is.

Today, when I dropped off the Stinker at preschool, I went to sign up for Wednesday Lunch Bunch as usual.  Too bad there were no sign up sheets.

And then it hit me.  This is THE last week of preschool before summer break.  Its filled with field trips and water days and other fun stuff, so no enrichment for the little ones.

This will truly rock my world.  Gone will be my 2 1/2 hours of bliss...usually spent running around like a crazy lady trying to accomplish at least a few of the millions of things I need to get done sans a four-year-old.

And my five hour stretches?  I guess I can kiss those goodbye until sometime in late August too.

I am taking some deep cleansing breathes right now to ward off the stress, but something tells me its a losing battle.  In the meantime, I'll be repenting for all the sins I will be committing over the next couple of months...before its too late.

Enjoying my last days of freedom,

Last night I was watching one of my favorite shows of all time, LOST -- at least what's left of it.  This episode gave the back story to the mysterious Jacob and the ultra-bad Man-In-Black.  And while I was engrossed in my weekly dose of paranoia, death and destruction, it hit me.

Why the parallels were uncanny.  OK, maybe I'm reaching here, but I'm gonna share anyway.

We have two dogs...at least officially.  We have an very old, very grumpy guy who sleeps most of his days. Then there's our young guy.  He's a gorgeous yellow Lab, as laid back as they come, and yes, even well trained -- no thanks to us, he's just THAT good.

Oh, I almost forgot, there's also Diablo.  He's our Angel Dog's brother and had to vacate his home due to some severe allergies (or so they claimed).  When the breeder asked if we could watch him for a little while until she found him a new home, we happily agreed.  After all, being related to Angel Dog must mean that he would be equally as celestial.  Right?

He's a Lab and a male, but that's about where the similarities end.  He's black, not light, he's a tad on the energetic side, and no one -- I mean, no one -- would mistake him for an obedient pup.

Why, he's single-handedly been responsible for the majority of the destruction in our humble home.  He's officially passed up the kids in this department, and that's no small feat.

Our list of casualties now includes one dog crate (he broke out on his first day), a box of tissues, a paintbrush handle, and old purse, numerous stuffed animals and a phone.  Yes, you read that right...I came home today to find one of my phones chewed to pieces on the floor.

He's also been reason all the dinosaurs in my son's beloved collection now have no tails.  And did I mention his propensity for sprints as soon as the front door opens?  Or how about the fact that he really, really likes to climb up on the counter and munch on the cat's food for little snackeral?

You may ask why we haven't booted his bottom out the door by now?  Believe me, we've threatened.  But we happen to owe this breeder big time.  You see, Angel Dog is a service dog for our son, and because of this she has our undying gratitude.  Diablo is supposed to follow in his brother's footsteps, but something tells me he may not make the cut.  The other thing that keeps him here is the fact that -- when he's not in full destruction mode -- he's really, really sweet.  One look into those big brown eyes and he is once again granted a reprieve.

So these days, we are anxiously awaiting word that our resident Tasmanian Devil has found a new home.  In the meantime, I can be found hiding the phones, stuffed animals and any other inanimate objects he might take a liking to.

I So Don't Need This Right Now,

Our story begins with a little imp.  Cute as a button, with gorgeous big eyes and a deceptively angelic face.  With the uncanny ability to charm all he met,  many a good man would find themselves unknowingly bending to his iron will.   With a smile on his face and a chuckle under his breathe, he left a path of destruction everywhere he went.

Then one day, Diablo strolled into town.  Tall, dark and quite handsome, he went by many names, but for our story, let's just stick with Diablo.  It is the most fitting, after all.  He could be a lover one minute, a terror the next.  Under the guise of "passing through" he inched his way into every part of the local's lives until it was clear that he was never leaving.

When the imp first laid eyes on Diablo, he knew he was in for trouble.  He was not one for competition and after all, this was his territory.  Needless to say, their relationship was a contentious one, both showering the other with a daily dose of mayhem and torture.  Ill will and childish pranks spread like wildfire, leaving no one unscathed.

Until yesterday, that is.  It seems a friendship was forged, a deal struck.  As Diablo bounded into the car, his tail wagging furiously, the imp reached out from his carseat and boldly declared, "I love you, Diablo."

This peace offering was met with a huge lick to the face -- until his attention was diverted by some crumbs on the floor, of course.  But I am happy to report that -- although boy and dog still terrorize the rest of us -- they have made peace with each other and will probably live happily ever after.

Life is a Fair Tale,

Yes, I totally dropped off the face of the earth.  And yes, I'd say I was sorry if I hadn't already profusely apologized for my absences a million times before.

What floors me is, after just checking this blog after a month-long hiatus, I still have people following me.  You guys are great.

Now if any of you continue to read my ramblings remains to be seen. 

Things have finally settled down in these parts.  I am just now able to breathe and think.  I've even been able to catch up on some things around the house.  Its just an unfortunate that my timing happens to suck. That's because, just when I think I might actually get my act together, the kids gets out for the summer.

Hold me back.  I feel a full-fledged anxiety attack coming on.

Four kids.  Three dogs  (yes we added a third temporarily, and yes, I'm insane).   One small house.  And one eternally cranky mom.  This should be fun.

Don't get me wrong.  I adore summer.  I'm definitely a warm weather kind of gal, and I love the idea of having no intense schedule to keep, like during the school year.

But then again, we have no schedule to keep.  And this means way too much free time.  I've told you before I'm not one of those crafty moms.  Fun, creative activities that keep my kids wildly entertained don't just pop into my head. And somehow we missed out on that delivery of cash, the one that would have allowed  me the to fill my children's days with movies, shopping, trips to the pool and other budget-draining activities.  Guess I'll just have to wear ear plugs when they begin the never-ending I'M BORED chant.

I think to worst thing about summer is what it does to my alone time.  And I love my alone time.  I live for it some days.  I also tend to get a tad grumpy without it.  Yeah, I didn't believe it at first either, but by all accounts, I am sad to report that it is very, very true.  

My only saving grace is that, unlike last summer -- a time I try to block from my memory entirely -- we at least have SOME plans this year.  One child will be enrolled in a summer-long day camp.  I know you can't see me right now, but believe me when I tell you I'm doing a little Happy Dance as I type.  The visual might not be a pretty one, but too bad.  I take my excitement where I can get it.

Another child will be going to a week-long away camp.  And yet another will be heading out on a ten-day mission trip. Too bad none of these happen to be the same week.  So at any given time, I'll have at least three of them underfoot.  Crap. I think I feel myself hyperventilating again.

We also have a week-long family vacation on the calendar.  But before you get too excited, did I mention its a camping trip?  To the Grand Canyon, no less.  I'm just hoping no one falls off a cliff -- or even worse, gets pushed after seven days together in close quarters wrecks havoc with our family bonding strategy.

So as we head into the warmer months, I will try to keep you posted on the comings and goings of our lively bunch.  No promises, however, considering it may be hard for me to type when I'm sporting one of those fashionable jacket with the extra long arms.

I will stay sane, I will stay sane,