Zen and the Art of Motherhood

Wondering why I haven't posted in a while?  Well, I spent the better part of the last week at teacher conferences.  And being the glutton for punishment that I am, I sat through three different formats for three different children at three different schools.

Now these meetings are a far cry from the ones I remember as a kid.  We'd spend a good week drawing pictures, cleaning out our desks and printing our names as neatly as we could in preparation for the big day.  The babysitter would be called and my parents would leave for the evening.   At school, my parents would visit the classroom, talk to my teacher and look at all my work. Back at home, us kids would wait nervously, hoping and praying that Mom and Dad would come home happy.

Fast forward more than a few years and my kids conferences come in several varieties.

There's the Let's Talk as Fast as We Can While Flashing Worksheets in Front of You until the Timer Goes Off variety.  For these you have exactly 20 minutes (and woe to the parent who goes over their allotted time) to go over how your child is reading, writing, adding and playing with others.  All the while Junior's teacher has a fake smile plastered on his/her face, conveniently leaving you about 30 seconds for questions.  This format usually ends with the "your child is right where they should be" line.

Then there's the Take a Seat in the Gym and Wait in Line to Talk to the Teacher Who Has No Idea Who Your Kid Is kind..  Rearing their ugly heads in middle school, these conferences (I use the word loosely here) has all the warmth and charm of a trip to the DMV.  The teachers all sit at tables lined up in the gym or cafeteria, while us parents wait patiently (or not) for our turn to confer.  When you finally make your way to the front of the line, you get the pleasure of an oh-so-intimate conversation while the growing line of equally impatient parents breathes down your neck.  All this trouble to speak to an educator who fumbles for your child's name, and basically regurgitates the same information you found on Infinite Campus earlier in the day.  But its all worth it when you here them tell you that your beautiful child is "right where they should be."

Now my personal favorite is the We're Gonna Let Your Kid Run the Show and Tell You How Great We're All Doing conference. Affectionately known as the Student Led Conference, your sweet angel sits in front of you, flashing that sweet, sweet smile. She'll show you her work, reads you her list of goals (dictated by the teacher earlier that day) and tell you how much she enjoys her class.  And if little Suzie's not doing so well?  Are you going to be the one to break her little heart by pointing it out?  Nope.  And the teacher knows it.  So there you sit, when to your horror you hear the words leave your lips. "That's great, kiddo. Looks like you're just where you should be."

So here I sit at the end of a long week scratching my head.  I realized that after hours spent at school  I still have no clue how my kids are doing. To top it off, my search for that elusive place where everyone is magically right where they should be has been a total flop.  Maybe if I kick my heels together three times, or sprinkle some fairy dust, Iit will magically appear.  In the meantime, I can't get my mind off that big elephant present at each meeting, trying desperately to get someone to notice it.

It seems a few of you are curious as to how I ended up with four children at four different schools. Funny I keep asking myself the same question -- over and over and over again. What was I thinking?

I wasn't. This was not the grand plan I had in mind. Not even close. Just last year I had it all. My three older kids went to our neighborhood K-8 school (School #1). They even took the bus, so I didn't have to worry about that. There was just one slight problem. We loved the convenience, but we hated the school. So early last year we began our quest for a better option.

After many, many open houses, we decided on a charter school (School #2). Unfortunately we weren't the only family smitten with this particular institution, making it EXTREMELY hard to get into. Feeling lucky (this coming from the person who has never won a single thing in her life!), I took a chance and tried to enroll my kids anyway.

As it turned out, the twins got in, but my oldest daughter did not. However, she was 11th on the waiting list, so I still held out hope. Silly me. Here we are, on the second day of school and I'm still waiting. Hence, she remains at School #1.

In the meantime, another little issue cropped up. School #2 literally panicked when they found out my son, who has some special needs, was on an IEP. I don't know how it is in your neck of the woods, but here charter schools can deny entry if they feel they can't meet a child's needs. As for the schools in our district who said they could -- well, lets just say I'd rather stick needles in my eyes than place my child at one of them.

Luckily we found another charter school, this one specially geared towards kids who "learn differently." Its a great model and perfect for my Pond Boy, and that's how we ended up with School #3.

As for the Little Stinker, he's in preschool (School #4) and will be going to a program at a local church three times a week. I guess I could have kept him at home another year, but considering my youngest doesn't have any playmates under the age of 10 and currently roars at people he wants to meet, we figured the socialization would do him good.

So that's the long and short of how I got myself into this mess. If you were a compassionate bunch, you would just shoot me now and put me out of my misery. But since I don't think that will happen, I guess I'd better buck up, fill up and get driving.

Did I mention I'm a bit excited? The moment I have been waiting for all summer is finally upon us and guess what? Its totally anticlimactic.

It could be the hundreds of dollars I just forked over for supplies, fees, planners, lunch boxes and backpacks. Or maybe my zeal took a hit when I saw how big a dent those new back-to-school clothes put in our checking account. Anyway, the event that basically gave me a glimmer of hope as I muddled my way through summer with four kids in tow, is now leaving me in a slightly sour mood.

I guess the grass is always greener, right? But from where I sit now, it just looks like I've exchanged one over-committed experience for another. While I dreamed of days free of distractions, time to catch up and, yes, getting my nails done, I'm now facing carpools from hell, endless school fundraisers and the dreaded after school shuffle.

At this particular moment you may be asking yourself, "It can't be that bad?" Well....my situation is a little different from most. You see, in all my infinite wisdom, I enrolled my four children in four different schools. How stupid is that? Its a long story, so we'll leave it for another post all together. But in the meantime, I'm left with four start times, four calendars and four sets of volunteer duties. This doesn't even include the logistics of getting my brood to and from four locations (on opposite ends of the universe, mind you) each day.

I'm just hoping the little cherubs are worth it, because right now I'm tempted to send them all off to military school. And tonight, as we pack our backpacks, make our lunches and ready ourselves for the grind, I find myself secretly pining away for those lazy days of summer.